


Still Dean Winchester

by spn_67



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-16 22:15:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29831694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spn_67/pseuds/spn_67
Summary: Dean Sam and Cas go on a hunt jus to find out it was a trap by the angels to get Cas back to the empty. Dean is confronted by his feelings for Cas as he sees him in a skirt and later in Jeans. He comes to terms with his sexuality and his feelings for Cas.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	Still Dean Winchester

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place somewhere in the beginning of season 13 of supernatural. Jack brought Cas back from the empty. It doesn´t get too grafic, but has some juicy details in the end. Enjoy reading and remember I´m just doing this for fun.

“Where the hell is he?” Dean said with an angry-worried tone in his voice. “He should have been here hours ago!” Sam looked at him knowingly. “I´m sure everything´s fine Dean, maybe his car broke down or something, I mean you know he´s not the best with that stuff”, he said, his eyebrows raised. Of course, he was worried too. They hadn´t heard from Cas since he left to check out the vampires. But since Jack had brought Cas back, Dean had been particularly worried whenever Cas left. “I´m not _worried_ Sam, I´m angry, that he doesn´t even bother to let us know if he´s still alive”, Dean replied defensively, crossing his arms in front of his chest. Sam sighed. Dean could be so stubborn about his feelings. God forbid, he´d once admit he was feeling something. In that moment they heard the door open and close and both their heads immediately jerked towards the door. Cas appeared at the top of the stairs, his coat covered in blood and on his face multiple bruises. “Cas!” they both shouted out as he struggled to get down the stairs, obviously in pain. Dean immediately rushed over to him. “Cas are you alright?”, he asked as he steadied him with one arm. Sam couldn´t help, but grin a little, as Dean had just stated two seconds ago, that he was “not at all worried.” But again, Dean hardly talked about that stuff. “I´m fine!” Cas said, just to be proven wrong by the groan of pain slipping out of his mouth. “Yeah, right!” Dean shot an annoyed glance at him as he helped him to a chair. They really were the perfect pair, Sam thought. Both always _fine_. Sam waited until everyone took a seat, Dean still on edge. Then he asked: “Cas what happened out there? It was supposed to be just an observation. We were worried sick”, he added with a glance to Dean, who however didn´t seem to notice his teasing. “The vampires weren´t the problem! In fact, there are no vampires at all, it was a trap”, Cas explained through gritted teeth. “As soon as I got there, I was surrounded by about 10 angels. They didn´t seem to be too happy to see me alive.” Sam could see that Dean was about to get very angry. He always got angry when he didn´t know how to say what he really felt. Then again, that was probably their father´s fault. “But how did you get out?”, Sam asked. “I fought with them. A human walked by. He would have been caught in the crossfire, but I grabbed him, carved the mark in my chest, and used his blood to blast all the angels away. Including me”, Cas replied. He still seemed to be in great pain. “What?” Dean was visibly shaking, but this time definitely with rage. “You could have died! You didn´t know what would happen to you, you don´t have your wings. And you`re not as strong as you used to be!”, he ranted furiously. “Well, that would have been my problem then.”, Cas stated emotionless, avoiding Dean´s eyes. “Well that´s not the way I see it, you know that”, Dean said, obviously hurt. Sam had kept quiet until now. He felt like this was something between Dean and Cas. Now however he chirped in. “I think we all should get some sleep. Cas you need to heal, we can talk about this later!”, he said, trying to avoid a huge fight. “I´ve got a case for us tomorrow. And Cas”, he adds, “please, for once, lose that coat!”

The next morning Dean entered the kitchen together with Sam, just to find Cas standing at the table, sipping some tea. He seemed unaware of the boys` appearance. The first thing he noticed was that Cas actually had lost the coat. He was only wearing the white shirt and the tie. Then his gaze dropped lower. His eyes widened in shock, while Sam could barely hold his laughter. Cas was wearing a high school uniform-skirt! Dean cleared his throat. “Ahm, Cas, what em, what the hell are you wearing?”, he asked, trying not to stare at the skirt and concentrating on Cas´ face. Cas gave them one of his rare smile and Dean immediately dropped his gaze. He didn´t know where to look and uncomfortably crossed his arms. “Isn´t it great? It´s so much more comfortable!”, Cas said, oblivious to their irritated faces. “You´re not wearing that outside”, Dean replied without looking at him. “It´s a girls clothing Cas” Sam explained to Cas´ confused gaze. “That is ridiculous guys!”, he said, still with a confused face. “Cloths don´t have a gender! That would be as stupid as to say this table is female or your car is a man.” He added, well knowing that the impala was a very delicate matter with Dean. “Hey, leave Baby out of this!” Dean snapped defensively, his gaze back at the skirt. He could already feel something harden between his legs. But that little voice in his ear he always heard when he got lost in Cas` eyes, that sounded a lot like John Winchester´s, stopped it before anything worse could happen. “Alright, listen, can we first talk about the case, maybe?”, Sam interrupted their banter in an effort to change the subject “Dean?” He turned as Dean hadn´t given him an answer, but Dean´s gaze was still fixed on the skirt. “Dean, are you listening?” Sam asked with a little smile on his face. Dean swallowed and turned to Sam. “What are you grinning about?” he snapped. “I´ll go have a beer.” “Dean it´s 10 am!” Sam said and shook his head in disbelieve. “Well, it´s always happy hour somewhere, Sam”, he grunted, took a beer from the fridge, and left the kitchen, heading for his room, but Sam followed him with a frown on his face. He caught up to dean in the hallway. Dean stopped and started sipping his beer. Sam just stood there awkwardly for a while. “You know…”, he started, not really knowing where to start. “You know you can talk to me about anything, right?” he said finally, carefully watching Dean. “I wouldn´t judge you, you know that right?” “What are you getting at?” Dean asked suspiciously, avoiding eye contact, knowing very well, what Sam was getting at. “Nothing”, Sam replied quickly. He didn´t want to push Dean. “I´m just saying.” Dean still refused to look at him. “Yeah anyways, what about the case?” Dean asked, changing the subject. Sam sighed, but went with it. There was no point in pushing Dean if he didn´t want to speak. And Dean definitely didn´t want to talk about Cas. Another thing that was their dad´s fault, Sam thought. “Yeah, let´s get back to Cas to talk about it, okay?” he said turning around. He thought he saw Dean flinch at the sound of the angel`s name, but he didn´t mention it.

Back in the kitchen Cas still seemed to be thinking about objects with genders. “So, get this:” Sam started, pulling out his phone. “There have been multiple deaths in Duncan, Oklahoma. Each time a couple has been attacked and each time only one of them survived. The survivors reported a “ghost” attacked them, killed one of them and then vanished.” Sam looked up from his phone and glanced at the other two. “What do you guys think?” he asked. “Well, it sounds like our kind of thing”, Dean said, finishing his beer, “but if it´s a ghost, why does it leave survivors?” he added. “I don´t know, guess we´ll have to find out!” Sam replied grinning. Maybe that case would take the heat out of the group. “Alright then let´s ´hit the Road` shall we?” Cas said, mocking the brothers` catchphrase as he finished his tea. “Oh no!” Dean argued, putting his arm up to stop him. “You´re not coming in a skirt”, he said, with a tone that doesn´t allow any protest. “You know, Dean is kinda right” Sam agreed carefully, “I mean, of course you can wear whatever you want, but we are not gonna be taken seriously if you walk around wearing a high school uniform skirt”, he added quickly. “Alright, I´ll change” Cas said, rolling his eyes and leaving the kitchen. “Did he just roll his eyes on us?” Dean asked with disbelieve.

“What is taking him so long?” Dean groaned. He and Sam were standing by the car, waiting for Cas. Sam rolled his eyes behind Dean´s back. “You know you seem to be very impatient when it comes to Cas ever since Jack brought him back! What is up with that?” he asked him. But Dean was spared an answer, because in that very moment, Cas came out of the bunker and that took away every capability Dean had to speak. Apparently, Cas really had taken Sam’s comment about his coat to heart, because he´d changed into jeans and a dark blue shirt. The first three Buttons were open, just like Dean had shown him, when he was human. Dean swallowed. The sight of Cas in Jeans reminded him too much of the Cas he met in the endverse and it gave him a weird sensation. He didn´t know how to feel about that, which was a lie. He knew exactly how he felt about it. He just refused to admit it. “Is that better?” Cas asked, looking accusingly at the Winchesters. “Yes, that´s quite alright Cas!” Sam answered cheerfully. “Alright then, let´s go, I already booked us a motel online by the way!” he added and dropped to the passenger seat.

“So, get this”, Sam said, as he walked towards Dean and Cas in the car. He had gone into the sheriff’s office to talk to the sheriff. Dean had talked to the policemen working the case. Cas had been forced (by Dean) to wait in the car (“you don´t look very federal with your jeans”). “There were in total three couples that have been attacked. All the missing ones are females and their bodies have yet to be found.” Sam summarized his meeting with the sheriff. “What did you find out?” he asked Dean. “The attacks all happened on the property of the ´Stones couple`, apparently Jonas and Luca Stones. They live a couple of miles out of town but own many properties here. The policemen didn´t seem to like them much though. Especially this Luca-Lady seems to be a bitch”, he explained. Sam took a few moments to think about it, then he looked at Dean and said with a mischievous grin on his face: “Alright, it would be best if we split up! How about I go talk to the victims and you two go talk to that Stones couple.” And with a little smile on his lips, he turned around and left, before Dean could voice any disagreement. Dean sourly watched him leave, but decided, that there was no point in arguing, since Cas had already slipped into the passenger seat.

On the road, Dean kept glancing at Cas, who was wearing his usual emotionless expression. He would love to be able to look in this beautiful head for once. He could never quite grasp Cas` way of thinking. That didn´t mean he hadn´t tried. He`d spent hours thinking about Cas´s feelings or the lack thereof. Before he could really think about it and before he could stop himself, he said: “You know, you hardly ever smile!” Just as the words had left his mouth, he already wished he hadn`t said anything at all. What a stupid thing to say! Angels didn´t have emotions, so why would Cas smile, if it wasn´t to mimic human behaviour. Although he did have an incredibly beautiful smile. “I am an angel Dean, I`m trained to keep my emotions inside, to act calculated and rational”, Cas replied annoyed, as if Dean should know this. “Although you could say that I did a very poor job with that”, he added miserably. His answer made Dean turn his entire body to the passenger seat. “Dean, you should really keep your eyes on the road” Cas said, without noticing the obvious shock on the driver's face. “I really shouldn´t have to tell you that your body is very fragile.” Deans gaze turned back to the road, but his attention was still with Cas. “What do you mean by that?” he asked anxiously. “I thought angels didn´t have emotions!” There was a tiny little bit of hope burning its way in his heart. _Hope is a foolish thing_ he could hear his father´s voice in his ear and the little flame died. Now Cas looked at Dean confused. “what do you mean? Why do you think there has to be a rule about not creating Nephilim? Of course angels can develop feelings.” And after a very long pause, when his eyes had already returned to the road he added: “If I didn´t have emotions, I most certainly wouldn´t be here right now and I probably would still have my wings. But then again, you would be dead.”

Dean and Cas arrived at a very big and old looking farm. As they walked towards the door, Dean still couldn´t get Cas´ words out of his head. _If I didn´t have emotions, I most certainly wouldn´t be here right now_. What did that even mean? He knocked on the door and a bear of a guy opened the door. “Can I help you?” He asked, obviously not very happy about the unannounced visitors. Dean pulled his fake ID out of his pocket. “Chunkly and Dott, FBI, are you Jonas Stones?” he asked him in his professional FBI-voice. “Yes?” the man replied, “what´s this about?” “We´ll have to ask you and your wife a few questions about the attacks on your property.” Dean replied, trying to look inside the house. “I don´t have a wife!” Jonas Stones grunted, now suspiciously looking at Dean and Cas. “Is this some sick sort of joke?” Dean frowned. Was everybody trying to confuse him today? “Then who is ´Luca Stones`? Can we come inside?” he asked. “Well, that would be my husband.” Jonas replied, not very pleased with the look on Deans face, but he still stepped aside to let them in. “You´ll have to excuse my partner” Cas said, with a glance to Dean, stepping into the house. “He´s got some problems with genders.”

“You own many properties around here I´ve been told.” Dean and Cas were sitting on a red old sofa, across them, on two chairs, Jonas and Luca. “Yeah, I bet they told you about us!” Jonas replied with a hint of anger in his voice. But Luca put his hand on Jonas` knee and he immediately relaxed a bit. Dean, obviously uncomfortable with this openly displayed affection, shifted on the sofa. Again his father´s voice seemed to be far to real in his ear. “So all those guys have been attacked on your property”, he said, watching them carefully and trying to concentrate on the case. “Yes, but we already talked to the police!” This was the first time Luca had spoken while they were in the house. He had a very calming voice and Dean couldn´t help but to relax a little. “I know, but we were sent by the FBI to follow up on the investigation”, he replied vague. Jonas, who seemed to have a short temper, started to get angry again. “Oh, what now, they´re investigating? I always told them that place was cursed! Ever since my brother died there”, he ranted. “What do you mean by cursed?” Cas asked, suddenly interested. “And what happened to your brother?” Jonas stood up and paced around the room. “Twenty years ago, he went there with his stupid girlfriend and got dumped. And, according to his girlfriend, he slipped and drowned in the swamp there.” Dean looked at Cas. They were both thinking the same thing. “Did you bury his body?” he asked Jonas, though he was aware of how weird that question normally sounded. “No, we cremated him. When we found him ten years later in a very dry year, where the swamp was nearly dried out, there wasn´t enough left to bury!” Jonas replied sadly. Dean and Cas both got up very quickly. “Thank you for your time, both of you!” Dean said, rushing out of the house.

Back at the car, Dean tried to reach Sam, but he only got the voicemail. “Damn it Sam!” he ranted. Then he turned to Cas. “I think it´s pretty safe to say, that the thing, that´s killing the girls is the vengeful ghost of Jonas` brother. There must be something still holding him there. Let´s go have a look around.” Dean said. Cas didn´t look completely convinced. “Shouldn´t we wait for Sam? I mean a lot of people have already gone missing and swamps are very dangerous!” he argued. “Don´t be such a wuss. Don´t worry you´ll be all safe!” Dean replied, rolling his eyes. “It´s not me I´m worried about”, Cas replied very quietly, but still got in the car.

When they arrived at the crime scene, the sun had already set so they had to get flashlights to carefully observe their surroundings. “There´s the swamp!” Cas pointed to a big black puddle about 100 feet away from them. “Whatever holds him must be somewhere near it”, Dean stated and walked towards it. “You should be careful Dean”, Cas said, with a troubled voice. He couldn´t seem to shake the feeling, that something was wrong with this. “Yes mom”, Dean mumbled, searching the ground near the swamp. Cas followed him with an uncomfortable look on his face. “Come on, buddy, cheer up, the ghost is not gonna do anything to us.” Just as he was saying these exact words, the flashlight stopped working. There was a bright light and two seconds later there were three figures basically raising from the swamp behind him. Before Dean could even move a muscle, Cas sprinted in front of him and a cold breeze, that knocked him off his feet and a couple feet away from the swamps told him, that Cas had unfolded his damaged wings. Confused Dean tried to grasp what was happening. “Well look who we have here!” The figure in the middle sneered, stepping out of the swamp. Cas slid his angel blade out of his sleeve. “We don´t want to get rude now do we?” the other angel said, looking at Cas with pure hate. Before he could do anything about it, one of the angels rushed over to Dean, who was still laying on the ground and held an angel blade to his throat. “You wouldn´t want something to happen to your little boyfriend over there, now would you?” she said. Immediately Cas held raised his hands, dropping his blade. “Leave him out of this, he´s got nothing to do with it”, Cas said, a pleading tone in his voice. “Now why would I do that?” the angel asked, laughing. “If you promise, you´ll let him go, I won´t fight you, I will let you kill me” Cas replied sincerely. The other angel seemed to think about it. She knew not to underestimate Castiel, once a great angel of the Lord. “Fine”, she said finally. “But he will watch you die, so he´ll always remember not to mess with the power of Naomi. The angel pinned Cas to the ground, now holding an angel blade to his throat. “I thought Naomi was dead!” Cas asked confused. The female angel laughed. “Of course you did! You´re getting as stupid as those pets your hanging around with. It was way too easy to trick you! I knew you would come and solve that stupid case.”

Dean who had listened quietly to this point had seemed to realize, that Cas meant what he had told the angel. “What are you doing Cas?” he shouted, actual fear in his voice now. “I´m sorry Dean”, Cas said with an apologetic look on his face. “but they are not here for you.” He gave Dean a weak smile. “After all, what´s dead should stay dead, at least that´s what they think.” The angels seemed to have had enough of the talking. “I want this to be very slow and very painful”, the female angel said. “I mean all of this really is your fault”, she said with a mad glint in her eyes as she very slowly pushed the angle blade inch by inch in Cas` chest. Cas screamed in pain. “No!” Dean shouted, the feelings he had repressed overtaking his body, and the point where he snapped was visible on his face. Ignoring Cas` protests he swung with his flashlight at the angel holding him. The angel was strong, but no match to Deans raw anger. He took the angel blade and rammed it through the angel`s chest. Cas, who seemed to realize, that the only way for Dean to survive was, if they killed the angles, grabbed the angel blade, that the female angel was still slowly pushing into his chest, and with all his force he pulled against the other angel`s force. He struggled but managed to pull the blade out just a tiny bit. But he was to weaken, no match for the complete strength of another angel. Just before the angel could take the final strike at Cas, light shone out of her mouth and eyes and she dropped to the floor. Dean, who had managed to kill the third angel, had rammed both blades through her chest. Cas, still wounded, collapsed on the ground. “Cas!” Dean shouted, rushing over, and picking him up. He helped him in the car and got in the driver seat himself, heading for the motel.

On the way they didn´t exchange a word, but Dean shot a couple of worried looks to the angel, who seemed to be wounded very badly. Just before they arrived at the motel Deans phone rang. “Sammy, are you alright?” Dean asked, picking up the phone. “Yes, but I`m somewhere in the middle of nowhere! There´s supposed to be some graveyard here, but I think I got tricked”, Sam`s voice came out of the phone. “What about you? I tried to call a few times, but I couldn´t reach you” he added, obviously not very happy about it. “The whole case was a trap! We walked right into angels!” Dean explained Sam shortly. “What?!” Sam shouted, “are you alright? What about Cas?” he added quickly. “I´m alright, but Cas`s got some pretty bad wounds. We´re heading back to the motel right now, meet you there?” he asked. Dean had never been very chatty over the phone. Sam agreed, then hung up the phone just when Dean and Cas arrived at the motel. Dean tried to help Cas out of the car, but he pushed him away. “I´m fine Dean”, he said and walked over to their motel room. Dean furiously followed him inside.

As soon as the door closed behind them, he shoved Cas against, the wall, ignoring his painful groan. “What were you thinking?” he ranted, his face inches away from Cas`. “You could have died, again”, he added. Cas tried to avoid Dean´s eyes. “It was the only way you would be safe”, he replied, very well aware, that that wasn´t the answer Dean wanted to hear. “And did you, for one minute, think about how I was gonna feel?” Dean shouted at him, his voice breaking. “How can you be so careless with your life? Do you even care how I, how we, feel about that?”. Cas looked at the man in front of him with amazement. Broken. But still beautiful. Still Dean Winchester. “I care about what happens to you Dean.” He replied softly. “I cared for the whole world because of you, all of it, it was all for you.” Stunned, Dean´s eyes widened. Cas, for the first time in this conversation, looked him straight in the eyes. Then very quietly Cas asked: “why do you even care what happens to me?” And in that question, he put all the emotions, he had been holding back. All the insecurities, his idea, that the Winchester brother didn´t care about him the way he cared about his other friends. The feelings he had stored away, in fear to be rejected by the person he gave up everything for. And in that moment, overwhelmed by the sudden wave of emotions from Cas, Dean allowed himself to do something, he never even dared dream of. Without giving it another thought he closed his eyes and kissed Castiel, the fallen angel of the Lord.

And in that kiss, he laid everything he couldn´t put into words. He put in the grieve he had felt, when Cas died, the feeling of being absolutely lost, robbed of the only thing in his life that made sense. He put in the confusion about his feelings, those feelings he had repressed most of his life. And he put in the love and the desire, that had been looming in his chest for a long time now, waiting for its chance to get out. Cas was completely stunned by this, so he didn´t react for the first few seconds. And just when Dean was about to pull away, he came to motion. He grabbed Dean´s neck with one hand and his waist with the other and pulled him closer, deepening the kiss. The flame in Dean´s chest roared and took over his entire body. For the first time in his life he didn´t try to push it away. He let it lead his actions, without thinking about the consequences. Cas´ entire body screamed, longed for Dean to get closer to him, to completely be one with him. Without any difficulties, he picked Dean up and carried him to one of the beds, ignoring the pain in his chest, where the wound was still healing. Gently he laid him down, never breaking the kiss. He pulled himself over dean, so that he was now kneeling over him, his legs left and right to Dean´s thighs. For a split second he broke their kiss to look into Deans beautiful eyes, to ask an unspoken question. Dean gave him a quick nod and closed his eyes as Cas started to kiss his neck and collarbone, removing the shirt from his torso. Dean sharply sucked in air and opened his eyes as Cas went lower on his body, now unbuckling his belt. Somewhere in the back of his head, he could hear his father´s rants, but he shoved them away. This moment was just his. His and Cas´. He closed his eyes again as Cas, with slow and rhythmic movements began to satisfy him. When he came, nothing had ever felt so right. But they weren´t done yet. Dean wanted this moment to last as long as possible. He pulled Cas´ face up to his, kissing him again, then ripping shirt and jeans off of Cas´ body. Cas shot him another questioning look. He knew how hard this was for Dean. But Dean smiled at him and gave him a small, but convinced nod. Cas deepened their kiss and when Dean closed his eyes, he slid inside him, anxiously watching Dean, waiting for him to tell him to stop. But Dean didn´t want to stop. On the contrary. Their “moment” went on for hours, until they were both so exhausted, that they collapsed in the bed. Dean, with his head on Cas´ chest, immediately fell asleep, and Cas went into something like a daydream, where he dozed off to heal without using too many body functions. So it happened, that neither of them heard the rent car parking outside a couple of hours later and neither of them heard the door open.

Sam stood in the door, the breakfast he had brought for everyone still in his hand, and couldn´t believe what he was seeing. To be fair, it was a very unreal picture. Cas, naked, eyes close, apparently in his own world and Dean, naked with his head on Cas´ chest, sleeping like a baby. “Wat the hell…?” he started, but didn´t know how to even put into words what he was seeing. Dean´s eyes shot open immediately and his head turned to the door. As soon as he was awake enough to grasp the details of his surroundings, his eyes widened in shock. Sam couldn´t hold his laughter at Deans face. “Congratulations, Dean I´m proud of you, both of you!” he simply said, turned around and walked out the door. “I´ll be waiting in the car with breakfast, once you´ve put on some clothes.”


End file.
